The Titanic Two

Tuesday morning was exciting; it was time to join the cruise ship! This is a big new ‘thing’, with neither of us having cruised before and not at all sure what to expect. The original plan had been to hang around at the hotel, using the pool and other facilities, until we were forcibly removed but in the event, we both wanted to get on with things. Therefore, we got a cab to the cruise terminal and arrived ludicrously early. So did everyone else!

In particular, a number of coach loads of Poles and Canadians had already filled up the queues and I feared that we were back at a Delhi airport situation. Although slow, the queues did move and when we got to the check-in desks, we were hit by a blizzard of efficiency and in no time at all were boarding the boat, in much the same way as you board an aircraft.

There, the similarity ended, as glasses of champagne were handed round. And then some more…

Feeling slightly light-headed, we were guided to our cabin through a maze of stairs and corridors. S noted that there were lifts that we could use in future but I said this was out of the question; what if we were, in the lift and the ship struck an iceberg?

“There are no icebergs in the Indian Ocean” said S, with a hint of exasperation.

“ You don’t know that, with global warming and the melting icecap in Antarctica and everything “, I pointed out.

Still, with the temperature at roughly 30c and a tropical storm starting to rumble around the harbour, I thought it probably best not to labour the point.

Nevertheless, I was pleased to note that a lifeboat was hanging directly below our balcony.

We had further reassurance in attending the safety briefing, when it became obvious that should it become necessary, we’d have no problem at all in beating at least ninety percent of the other passengers to the boats!

The next hours were a blur of activity as we had to check in to or be briefed about all sorts of things. One priority was to see if we could establish external communications without having to pay a sum equivalent to buying our own satellite. This involved queuing to see a specialist IT chap ( A very competent sounding English guy), behind a couple of American ladies who, despite following instructions to the letter, were finding it impossible to connect to the ships WiFi. After about 10 minutes, it transpired that this was due to her being unable to enter her name correctly…

“Sorry that took so long”, he said to her, “ I must admit that I’d sort of assumed that you would have got that bit right” As they left, I congratulated him on having the patience of a saint – and yes, we discovered a WiFi usage package that was just about affordable.

All of our initial views of our ship far exceeded our expectations. Our cabin was great, the onboard facilities were superb, the service was outstanding and it quickly became clear that the one ‘must-have’ personal attribute for cruising is shameless gluttony! There were just mountains of food and drink available all the time, everywhere and we set to it with gusto!

Having been totally delighted with everything thus far discovered, the only discordant note (in every sense of the word) was sampling the opening night cabaret. I suppose you could say that they tried hard but as every pop icon from Elton John to Adele was systematically butchered, I could feel a scream rising in my soul. I really wanted to escape, but S seemed grimly determined to sit it out, no matter how bad it got. Sinking lower and lower into my seat, and looking around for an exit, I caught the eye of a Chinese guy sitting in the row behind. We came from opposite ends of the world and from cultures each separate and millennia old – yet in that second, we instinctively read each other’s thoughts – there’s never a bloody iceberg when you need one!